Why Self-Reflection and Mindset Matter in a Family Law Resolution

June 4, 2020

Some of the words you will hear us say the most here at Bespoke are “recover”, “rebuild” and “move forward”. Although the ‘law’ portion of family law means that we spend a lot of time referring to the Family Law Act 1975 and the case law and precedents when we are providing advice… we have found through our experience that this is only one part of the process.

How YOU are doing, where YOU are at, and where YOU want to go…. These are some of the biggest questions that inform how we find a resolution for your family law matter.

That means that after separation, taking steps for self-care and self-reflection is incredibly important and cannot be overlooked. If you are anything like us here at Bespoke, then time for yourself usually takes the back-burner while we focus on everything else. So, we understand how it may seem like this is the last thing that’s going to help you move forward. You may even be wondering why, as family lawyers, we are asking you to think about something other than the law and your entitlements. But, we promise that there is a method to the madness. 

We’ve outlined a few reasons why your mindset really matters to us and your ability to move forward…

Are you ready to start your family law matter?

Whether you’re discussing the division of property, parenting arrangements or child support – a family law matter is really stressful!  Even at the best of times, and as friendly as we are at Bespoke, getting an email or a phone call from us is probably going to raise your heart rate and spike your stress levels.  We get this and that’s why it’s important for us to find ways to support you during this journey so that you can focus on you and how you can move forward.

Having to make short, medium and long-term decisions about your life is hard. What makes it even more tricky, is that you are currently in the middle of what is probably one of the biggest transitions in your life. There are a lot of emotions, conflict and maybe even some trauma tied to the end of your relationship that make things bigger and harder to deal with and decision-making all the more difficult. It’s important to us to understand what you’re going through, what happened in your relationship, yours and your Ex’s personalities, interests and communication styles and where you’re headed.  All of this plays a key part in yours and your Ex’s decision-making and the strategy we use to get you to a final resolution.

We encourage our clients to engage in self-reflection and life planning so we can gain a deeper understanding of you and your family. This way, we can help you gain a better understanding of where you’re coming from and make a plan for what you want your life to look like now and in the future. We embed this self-reflection into our approach and our client’s journey to a resolution so that you are in the right place to start the conversation, negotiation and, importantly, to ensure that your Ex is too!

When is the right time?

Everyone worries about timing and working out how to start and when to start. 

We’re going to get real with you…there is no right time. It’s a shit thing to go through and it is hard, emotional and stressful. BUT…if you have the right support systems in place and the process is focused on YOU and what you and your family need to get to the other side, then you will be ok.  As scary and terrifying as it is, YOU WILL BE OK!

The thing we are most mindful of is PACE more than timing. You and your Ex will be processing the separation at different paces and you will be going through it from different perspectives. If you push too fast or you hold off too long, then this can create conflict and impact on your future communication and co-parenting partnership. Take a moment to reflect on where you are at and where your Ex is at and think about how you each processed challenging or difficult situations during your relationship. Be prepared to adjust your pace to take account of where your Ex is at during the journey – sometimes this will feel like 2 steps forward and 5 steps back, but when you eventually get to the other side you will be in a better place.

What do you want in the short, medium and long-term?

At Bespoke Family Lawyers, we want to prioritise your goals and what you want in the future.  We use this as a framework to make sure that the options we provide and the resolution we recommend reflects your goals and provides you with the springboard to rebuild your life. 

Getting clear on where you are headed, and what you want and need to move forward is the secret ingredient to getting through your separation.

Unsurprisingly, this is a big question and one that many of our clients stumble on. We are always so busy thinking of our daily to-do list rather than our longer-term goals and how all these daily tasks will lead us to those goals.  For many of our clients, they’ve been so busy meeting everyone else’s needs they’ve lost touch with themselves and what they want or need.

But we’ll let you in on a little secret…thinking about where you are headed and what you want your life to look like now that you are separated is the key to rediscovering yourself and what’s important to you.  This may mean that along the way you might need to do one or more of the following:

  • identify your goals and needs;
  • do work on your mindset;
  • challenge and reframe old patterns of thinking that no longer serve you;
  • learn how to trust again; 
  • rediscover your core values and your passions; or
  • regain your sense of self and your confidence.

Whatever your journey has in store for you…with the right support and guidance around you, you will begin to rediscover yourself as you recover, rebuild and move forward.



This article is for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice or any other professional advice.

Feeling unsure where to start?

Let us guide you through what’s involved in untangling your relationship and give you the tools to set yourself up to move forward.

Feeling unsure where to start?

Let us guide you through what’s involved in untangling your relationship and give you the tools to set yourself up to move forward.

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