How to Deal With a New Partner and Keep a Co-Parenting Relationship

Separation in and of its own can be so tricky.  Emotions are heightened. Getting through each day is a struggle and navigating your new normal can be terrifying. Add children into the mix and it is all the more complicated. Trying to put your kids first when you yourself are struggling can be a monumental task. But, parties overcome all of these concerns every day … often until one party re-partners into a new relationship. This often boils the pot and makes you hit your breaking point. 

However, it’s not the thought of their ex with a new person that sets people over the edge, it’s a concern for their children and the role of this new person in their children’s lives. We often see parties angry, frustrated, resentful and terrified at the thought of their children spending time with a new partner. They feel as though they are being replaced. The idea of a person spending time with or looking after their children can be the last straw. Parties often come to us seeking a way to limit this new persons’ involvement in their children’s lives. It’s not always as simple as that…

How does the Court approach new partners?

The Family Law Act 1975 (Cth) operates off of a presumption of equal shared parental responsibility.  This means that the parties must consult the other and reach agreement as to major life issues, such as education, religion and medical care. Equal shared parental responsibility also allows each party to care for the children as they see fit during their own time with the children. The Court considers that both parents are able to make decisions in relation to the children’s day-to-day care while the children are spending time with them. 

Where does a new partner fit into all this? The Court does not consider that the introduction of a new partner into the children’s lives is a decision that must be jointly made between the parties. The Court operates on the presumption that each party is able to move forward with their lives and have the freedom to do so. This also feeds into the Court’s consideration that both parties are able to make decisions about the children’s day-to-day care during the time that they are spending time with the children. 

Unfortunately, this does mean there may be very little you can do to limit the time between the children and your Ex’s new partner during the times that your Ex is spending time with the children. 

Is there anything else I can do as a concerned parent?

We often find that this issue really stresses what is usually an already fragile co-parenting relationship. However, we have a lot of parties that come to an agreement about issues relating to new partners to attempt to ease each of their concerns about this arising in the future. We encourage parties to consider the below when they are first coming to their parenting arrangement, especially if this issue is already causing conflict: 

1. Parties often come to an agreement that they will let the other parent know when they are planning to introduce a new partner to the children and provide them with an opportunity to meet the new partner prior to them beginning to spend time with the children. This makes this transition much more respectful and means that the other parent has an opportunity to meet the new person in their children’s lives. 
2. Parties often come to an agreement that they will provide the other parent with the name and contact details of each person caring for the children, meaning that the other parent knows who their children are spending time with at all times and has a way to contact them if they need to. 

Although the above does not alleviate all the concerns that you may be feeling as a parent, it is a start to creating more respectful communication about new partners. 

If you do have genuine concerns about the new partner spending time with your children, then we recommend you obtain independent legal advice as to how you may be able to move forward. This will depend on what the concern is and how it relates to the children. The Court would assess this on a case-by-case basis. If this is the case, then we recommend you obtain legal advice as to how you should move forward with this situation. 

Where to from here?

If you would like to speak to us further in relation to the above, and any steps you may be able to take to have this conversation with your Ex, then please do not hesitate to book a free 30-minute CLARITY CALL and would be happy to have a chat with you to see if we can take any steps to assist.

***Disclaimer***

This article is for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice or any other professional advice.